So yesterday wasn't such a good day for me. I have been doing really well here, surprisingly well, but yesterday I had one of those days where I was just bored and lonely. Jon couldn't come home for lunch and was busy all day, and then he had a meeting back at the church after dinner--welcome to the life of a youth pastor, right? Abigail is good company, but somehow talking to a 2 year old all day just didn't quite cut it for me! I had a good cry about it all last night which I know was good for me. You know, once I start feeling like that it tends to be a downward spiral to a big pity party where all I think about is myself. I pray the Lord keeps me from going there too often. I know it's just part of all this for me to be sad, but I pray that my sadness and lonliness draws me nearer to the Lord instead of farther away from Him. There is a Nicole Nordeman song that has a line in it that says "What if He's more than enough?" It's said in a different context than this, but for some reason it has really stuck with me. What if through all this I find my Father to be more than enough for me? I know He is...but will I make the effort to find that for myself? It's easy to sit around and watch tv, or find an errand to run...not always so easy to run to Him and His Word. He has been so gracious to me and has given me strength through this move that can only be from Him. I know He holds me in His arms every day and draws me close. His love for me is tender and perfect. It's ironic that I run from that to other things that don't bring real joy. My mom bought Abigail a new DVD by Miss Pattycake which she absolutely loves-so cute to see Abigail singing and dancing along with her-but the story has really hit me too. It's about a bunny named Roy who has lost his joy. He tries all of his favorite things to bring his joy back-hopping, blowing bubbles, eating a snack, taking a bath, going to a puppet show, but nothing brings back his joy until he starts singing praise to God. He realizes that Jesus is the source of his joy, not all those other fun things. Think the Lord might be trying to teach me something through that video, which she just happens to want to watch all the time? Even as I type this, I can see the Lord's work in my heart. He is persistent in drawing me to Himself. I'll close this with some verses that I love from Isaiah 43...
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you...
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8 comments:
sweet Lisa, i'm sorry for your loneliness and sad heart. The Lord is encouraging you even while you were writing that post-I could tell! You're so right about how we run to other things to try and fill all of those empty places-I'll pray for you my friend, that you will run to Him and receive His all-encompassing mercy ,comfort and love!
I love you!
Hi Sissy,
Why is it that the last place we go is the place where we are always guaranteed love, peace, joy, hope and encouragement? Sometimes I'd rather feel sorry for myself than sing praise to Jesus too. I guess that's where our decision has to be stronger than our feelings! Thanks for your honesty. I needed the reminder to find the joy that I know I already have. I love you and miss you like crazy! Praying for you. Love, Sissy
i have been thinking a lot about these same issues. thanks for your honesty. and its so normal for you to be feeling these things as you go through this transition. God always teaches us great things when we are in those vulnerable places...its evident in your life right now. miss you lots. and love you.
Hi Lisa,
I've not been on your site in a few so I had a lot to catch up on. I do so understand your feelings of loneliness....I perfected the art of the pity party when we moved from Decatur to Oakwood. Even when you know you are in the center of His will in a move, it just really hurts to leave your "parashute" of church and friends. But, my friend, you know where to run! Our Father is the source of all comfort and love. He will NEVER forget you and He loves you and delights in you more that you can believe! (a little GT doth the heart merry!) A special scripture to me is Isaiah 49:15-16:
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands!"
Those of us who have nursed a baby KNOW that we could NEVER forget that baby! Our bodies "know" when it's time for them to nurse! But even if we COULD forget our nursing baby, Our Father will NEVER forget us, His children. We are engraved...cut....into his palms (the imagery of the cross and the scars from the nails in His hands are foretold here). So run to Him, Lisa when you are happy and when you are lonely, and when you are just bummed out! He desires to have time with you. I love you and Jon and Abigail! Virtual hug! Jeanine
I LOVE YOUR HEART! So tender, so real and so relatable :)
When I get all in a panic about how Lainey is doing when she's away from me, John always reminds me that God cares more about Lainey than I ever could, and I know that to be true of you, too. You can almost see the Holy Spirit at work in your heart as you wrote.
Love you! --Deborah
Dear, sweet Lisa...It's so good to "hear" your thoughts and know how to pray for you. I wish these things weren't so difficult and lonely; I wish that we never had to leave our friends and families, but it does leave us desperate for our Father and that can only be good. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you, Jon and Abigail settle in...and with baby Ava as she grows! I love you Lisa!
Lisa,
I know how you feel. Moving can be really hard. I was encouraged by what you wrote. I find myself running to other things and stealing love and joy from them. They never satisfy. I pray that the Lord continues to encourage your heart.
Claire Weaver
My dear daughter,
Your comments reminded me of a day I was struggling with what God was doing and yes a pity party was exactly what it was and not the only one I have experienced in my journey with God. I had been told some good advice from a good friend who told me "Don't miss a day in which you totally surrender your day to God no matter what is going on" Okay so how long does this take? Well, until your heart is surrendered." Needless to say that particular day I decided to have a pity party and do what Carol wanted to do instead of surrendering and spending my first moments of the day with HIm. I went to the post office and the lady behind the counter handed me a small piece of paper. On the paper was a scripture verse. On the paper was a verse that stated that God had seen the good work I had done.
And guess what the pity party was all about" no body seeing what I had sacrificed in being director of women's ministry and was it all a waste of time and energy." What a foolish thought and yet God in His great compassion knew the anguish of my soul and heart and allowed this verse to help.
I too have struggled since you have left but I can tell you without any hestiation that God is good and He is aware of your situation. You know this and I know this but that does not take away the pain of the whole thing. Yes, I miss you like no one knows and this is not how I would have chosen to be grammy but I asked the Lord to help me love HIm above all and to run to Him above all and He is teaching me this everyday. I will admit I am not the best of students at times but I know He loves you and I know He loves me and what He does He does for our growth in making us more like HIm and He does it for our good. I am so proud of you. Your transparency will touch many lives. Continue to be real because our world cries out for real and for the answer which is our personal realtionship with our heavenly Father.
You are loved,
Mom
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